When we bought our house the immediate plan was to get it paid off in 10 years. That way when Hubby retires we’ll have plenty of money banked thanks to years of living without a mortgage payment. Then we’ll sell the house and use that cash to buy a smaller place outright that’s located somewhere nice where we’ll live out our days with minimal expenses. But it’s been 5 years now and we aren’t even close to halfway paying this thing off yet. We aren’t even a quarter of the way there. And, considering how much money we have to put towards upkeep and updates every year, we might be lucky to retire before 2097 when everyone is a sentient head living inside a jar and the president is a ficus tree. Which, to be honest, sounds like a solid improvement over the present state of things…
But retirement is still a ways off so we’ve got some time to plan the logistics. Like, are our heads going to share a jar or do we each get our own? Anyway, I’m completely aware that what we earn from selling this house in 20 years isn’t exactly going to buy us a luxury condo in Daytona Beach, Florida. We’re looking at maybe the converted garage in our kid’s house (provided they have a house...). So the logical thing to do is to get advice now on how to get the most out of what we’ll have to work with when the time comes. And naturally I’ve been using Pinterest as my biggest advisor in this matter.
If you aren’t aware of what Pinterest is, it’s basically a never-ending picture book for adults. No, not that kind of picture book, perv. It’s mostly for amateur interior decorators, home chefs, wannabe carpenters, and anyone in general who fancies themselves a Do-It-Yourself pro. Or “DIY” as it’s known in the industry. Anyway, the site pretty much has a “pin” for everything DIY under the sun. Some examples:
The pictures are basically just links to a website or blog that has instructions on how to do the thing that the picture promises you can do. Clicking a picture also prompts Pinterest to suggest other pins that are similar in subject matter which you may also peruse. Because there might be something better or more relevant than what you just almost clicked on so you need to scroll more! And then it quickly turns into a never ending rabbit hole.
I once searched “thanksgiving table decor” and five hours later I realized that I was scrolling through Spongebob Squarepants party ideas. Somehow. But Thanksgiving dinner was awesome that year because I made the table and chairs myself out of old barn wood, the house was decorated like the Gryffindor common room, and we played Pin The Pants On Spongebob after dinner!
But back to the point (whatever it is)… It was Pinterest that made me aware of a thing called a “tiny house”. And apparently it’s a big fad right now to sell everything you own, buy a flatbed trailer, and build a road legal dwelling on it. The fact that some of these “houses” cost less than the vehicle you eventually have to buy to haul it with made me take notice. We could live mortgage free, totally off-grid, travel if we wanted to because we can just take our house with us, and reduce our carbon footprint. Though I’m not exactly sure how that carbon thing works when we’ll be using a diesel rig to haul our house everywhere. Especially since there is the glorious option of physically taking my kitchen with me to the grocery store every week, thus cutting out the whole middle man. The middle man being myself driving there in a car, loading the groceries into the car, driving back home, then carrying everything into the house.
It sounded like a viable plan for our eventual retirement! At least until I really started looking at these tiny houses closer…
Okay, first noticeable problem: I don’t think my husband and myself can both live in something the size of my current 8×10′ office. Especially considering he requires at least that much square footage just to house his dirty laundry pile. I spend maybe 90% of my time in this room as it is, so that’s not a problem for myself… But with him, and the obvious lack of space for a king size bed, and his laundry… Ah, but Pinterest has me covered! It turns out there are bigger tiny houses on wheels with actual bedrooms!
Oh. But, unfortunately, the “bedroom” is literally just a crawl space above the living area that’s accessible via ladder.
Which leads to problem number two: The last time I had to climb a ladder to go to bed was when I was 10 years old and slept in the top bunk. Even then I was like, “Jesus Christ, this is not viable for the long term health of my knees.” Now I dread just climbing the steep-ass basement stairs, so I’m guessing when I’m 60 a rickety ladder is right out of the equation.
And there’s that whole “crawling” thing. And there’s still the issue of his laundry pile.
But wait! There are even biggerer tiny houses with the bedroom on the same floor as the living area!
Problem number 3: This does render the house a lot less portable and I’d have to continue using the “middle man” approach for our grocery needs. Also, we’d have to find a more permanent place to park it which is the bigger issue. But no worries! To remedy this there are tiny house communities popping up everywhere to accommodate these wheeled houses and give their owners a legal place to park and… wait a fricken minute!
Does that not sound familiar to anyone else?
No?
Let me give you a hint:
I mean, it’s an option…
Okay, I really need to rethink this… right.
Retirement Plan A: I outlive my husband.
Problem solved.
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